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Be Prepared

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I have decided to adopt the Boy Scouts motto of “be prepared” as my parenting motto. When you have kids, especially young one, there’s no telling what curve ball they might throw your way. Mine went something like this: early Saturday morning Tyler came up to me and asked me if it hurt when they cut me. Well, I figured he was talking about my C-section since I had explained the circumstances of his birth already. “No, no not that. Did it hurt when they cut your penis off?” Let me just say that I had not had any coffee … Continue reading →

Book Review: From Diapers To Dating: A Parent’s Guide To Raising Sexually Healthy Children

Book Review: From Diapers To Dating: A Parent’s Guide To Raising Sexually Healthy Children, by Debra W. Haffner If you’re having problems talking to your kids about sex, I recommend this book. I admit, I checked it out of the library by mistake. I didn’t notice that it was about sex until I got home (the second part of the title is written in smaller letters under the main title). I thought it was a general parenting advice book. Since I had it anyway, I decided to read it. After all, at some point I will have to talk to … Continue reading →

When Bad Things Happen Again and Again.

It is not uncommon for a woman or child to reveal that many different perpetrators have sexually abused them throughout their life. There are neuropsychological and cognitive theories to explain why this happens. This does not mean that these theories are correct; it is just a way to help us understand how it is possible for one good person to attract so many bad things. What really gets me angered is when I hear people comment that the child or woman must be lying; that it is impossible for anybody to be sexually abused that many times. It is possible, … Continue reading →

Does your Daughter get Sexually Harassed at School?

Sexual harassment can take many different forms, however, all actions are based on the social construction of inherited male power and gender conditioning. Unsolicited and unreciprocated male sexual behavior, directed toward females, is often regarded by some as a normal male practice. Such learned functioning undermines the autonomy of women and girls. This cannot remain unchallenged because it is hurting our daughters and affecting their learning at school. Sexual harassment occurs in school settings too, between male teacher to female student, male student to female teacher and from student to student. Australian research has shown a dominant school culture where … Continue reading →

The Myths and Facts About Incest and Child Sexual Assault

October is Sexual Violence Awareness Month in Queensland, Australia. The theme of the month is “Stop Incest”. Before incest can be eradicated, we all need to have an understanding of the pervasive myths that prevent us from acknowledging the seriousness of this horrific crime that is perpetrated by family members or close family friends. MYTH – Children lie about incest. FACT– Both research and the experiences of those who work with sexually abused children have shown that children very rarely lie about incest. Statistics show that in 98% of cases children’s statements are found to be true (Dympna House Editorial/Writers … Continue reading →

What is NOT Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood.

In the three introduction articles, we’ve looked at sexual development in the three to fives and five to eight year-olds. They were green light behaviors, sometimes shocking and confronting to parents, but very normal from a child’s curious mind. This article looks at amber and red light behaviors that require concern and action. Remember that sexual development is a natural part of a child growing up. However, some behaviors step over the boundary of acceptable and suggest something else may be going on. The something else does not always mean the child has been sexually abused. Rather, it could be … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Five to Eight Year Olds.

This is the third article in the series. Click on the links to view the introduction, or, three to five-year-old articles. The five to eight-years olds are the ones who really seem to get into trouble the most, for simply enacting a normal part of their development. This is the stage where therapists are sent these children to “fix” them. So, is there increased abnormal sexual behavior in this age group? I think not. This age group is highly sociable, have started school, and have many more sets of authoritarian eyes watching their every move. The children are learning the … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? The Three to Five-Year-Olds.

The introduction to Age Appropriate Sexual Development can be viewed here. The pre-school child now has increased vocabulary and contact with a larger number of people. The children remain curious about their own bodies and the bodies of others. They are becoming acutely aware, and interested, of the difference between a boy body and a girl body and will typically start asking questions like, “Why does Daddy have a penis?” Their increased social contacts may bring them into contact with other Moms who are pregnant, or indeed, there may even be pregnancy in their own home. The questions continue: “Where … Continue reading →

What is Age Appropriate Sexual Development in Early Childhood? Introduction.

A child of four inserts a pair of scissors into her bottom. A child of eight attempts to put his penis into his little sister’s vagina. Is this acceptable behavior? No. Is it developmentally normal? No. These are indicators of something being wrong and worthy of concern. What is developmentally normal though? It can be so confusing and scary when a parent catches their children engaged in sex play. Usually the parents first reaction is shock, followed quickly by anger, and then concern, both for their own perception of perhaps being a bad parent and then for their child: “Am … Continue reading →

Teaching Modesty: Creating a “Private Zone”

All children are vulnerable to predators—people who might want to take advantage of their innocence. Children on the autism spectrum and those with developmental delays are obviously even more at risk because of their inability to understand what behaviors are appropriate and inappropriate. An adult or older child might confuse a special needs child with terms that seem harmless like “friendship” or “hugs” or “secret.” And even if our children are never put in a dangerous situation, they could inadvertently embarrass themselves by exposing or talking about their private parts at improper times and places. Especially as our children approach … Continue reading →