Search Results for: blog the cycle of violence part 1 the explosion

What Would You Not Forgive – Part 2?

Yesterday I told you of the discussion four of us had about what we would not forgive or would struggle to forgive. The other thing both of us the women in the group mentioned was domestic violence. I’d find it hard to live with a man who took out his frustration and anger on me in violent ways. You’d always be walking on eggshells wondering what next would set him off. I say he, because although abuse of husband by wives does happen, it is less common. With domestic violence there is often a pattern where the violent act is … Continue reading →

Family Violence. An Australian Aboriginal Perspective.

Violence has become entrenched into our societies. Many individuals hold non-violence as a personal value and strive to end it. Despite laws that protect against assault, domestic and family violence (including incest, rape and sexual assault) continues to be a shameful mark on our progressive and contemporary ways of life. Reasons to explain domestic violence have long been pondered over and everyday community members question why women would stay in such dreadful situations. History and culture may go a long way to explain entrenched violence but too often, we each react from our own view of the world, rather than … Continue reading →

How Children Learn the Cycle of Violence

The Cycle of Violence is a pattern of behavior that occurs in many relationships. It is insidious, refuses to use clear communication, and relies on people reacting through behaviors rather than clearly identifying and calmly stating their case. Why are so many adults sucked into the Cycle of Violence? Because they have learnt it as children. This is how it goes… Mum awoke this morning with conviction anew. During the night she had slept badly, worried that she was yelling at the kids too much. Leaping out of bed, eager to start a new day, she said aloud to her … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: part 7, Stand Over.

This is the last part of the Cycle of Violence. It is the culmination of the insidious and convincing trick behaviors that have occurred during Explosion, Remorse, Buy Back, Honeymoon, Normal, and Tension Build Up. The tension in the air has become so great that the home is like a powder keg. Every waking minute, the household members live in fear of an explosion. People speak in hushed tones, they become hypervigilant and keep a check on where the perpetrator is, and they wait. The moment he enters the scene they know there’s going to be trouble. It may be … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence” Part 3, Buyback

Yesterday we had a look at the Remorse stage in the Cycle of Violence. Today we move onto Buyback. Buyback is the behavioural stage where the perpetrator of violence showers the victim with promises, gifts and love. It is a process of buying back favors, a way of saying, “I’m sorry. Forgive me.” While this sounds nice, it is a manipulative ploy. It is no more than a stage in the Cycle of Violence that will lead to further violence. Buyback often offers bunches of flowers, bottles of wine, inspirational cards of love, or promises of going to counseling. The … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: Part 2, Remorse

Yesterday we looked at the Explosion phase in the Cycle of Violence. Following the explosion, the perpetrator goes into a psychological deep period of deep remorse. At this stage, the remorse often appears genuine. They come home, look around them, and see the damage they have caused, the fear or disgust in the eyes of their family. The perpetrator commonly feels desperate and ashamed. Typical responses from the perpetrator may be: • “Why do you stay with me? I’m such a loser.” • “I am so sorry. I love you. I will never do that again. I don’t know what … Continue reading →

The Cycle of Violence: Part 1, The Explosion

Domestic and family violence is an act of abuse. It is a gendered crime, which means that many more men than women perpetrate the violence. It is an act of power designed to create fear in the victims and compliance with the perpetrators perceived power. Domestic and Family Violence is against the law. The Cycle of Violence is a pattern of behaviour that occurs in many relationships: husband/wife, father/child, mother /child, friend/friend, employer and employee. The cycle follows a particular pattern and gets quicker in completion each time the cycle restarts. Whereas the cycle may take 12 months to first … Continue reading →

Picture of a Marriage

Yesterday Mick and I had a day date and went to the movies to see ‘Revolutionary Road.’ It is a movie about a marriage. So often we hear that it is women who want to talk out their problems and men who don’t listen. In this case he often wanted to talk about the problems but the wife didn’t want to talk about the problems they were experiencing. The crowd, with the exception of a few brave men like my husband, was predominately female. A collective gasp ran around the theater like a current of electricity when he raised his … Continue reading →

Do You Want to Know What God Hates?

Do you want to know what God hates? The bible tells us. Here are some things mentioned. God hates: Unjust scales Proverbs 11: 1, 20:23. God doesn’t want to see people cheated. That’s good for us to remember at tax time and in our dealings with others. I think it also applies not just financially but to cheating others in what we give to a relationship. Boasting and those who do iniquity, lies and deceit, violence and bloodshed, Psalm 5:5-6. Divorce, Malachi 2:16. Notice, God does not say he hates the divorced person but divorce. Life long marriage of one … Continue reading →

How One Judge is Changing Infants’ Lives

Posted on by

It is pretty much widely known among the scientific community that babies who interact regularly with their parents are, well. . .smarter. Early development specialists have long suggested that a lack of interaction can lead to a life time of learning problems and a lack of trust. When infants cannot connect with an adult it leaves them unable to trust anyone and often leads to a cyclical life of abuse and neglect. The neglected becomes the mother who neglects. . .and the cycle never ends. Enter Judge Cindy Lederman. As a family court judge in Florida, she sees cases like … Continue reading →