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Caring for Your Aging Parent

Watching your parents grow older can be heart wrenching at times. They not only change physically, but their personalities may change as well. Many will develop health problems. You may notice that their eyesight or that their mental sharpness is declining as well. Our parents took care of us and guided us when we were young and now it is our turn to be there for them. Being a caregiver to your aging parent can be stressful at times. If you are in the position of being the sole caregiver it is especially trying. If you have other family members … Continue reading →

When Your Child’s Grandparent is a Narcissist

We have looked at many articles concerning what it is like to be the child of a narcissistic parent (see below). But what happens when you, the child of a narcissist, go on to have children of your own? How does having children influence your relationship with your narcissistic parent? Having children of your own is probably the biggest wake-up call you will ever have in your life. This applies to members of most dysfunctional families, but children of a narcissistic parent are particularly susceptible to feelings of doubt and insecurity about their own skills as a parent. Not having … Continue reading →

Defending Yourself against the Aging Narcissist (2)

In the first article in this series (see link below) we looked at the first two tips for dealing with a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Today we continue with further aids for dealing with these damaging and difficult people. 3. Examine carefully all the achievements you have made in your life in spite of your background. Your achievements, your victories, your assets: you have attained all of them without the usual parental encouragement and assistance. In fact, you may well have been berated for your achievements or even hijacked temporarily by your parent in your journey to success. … Continue reading →

Defending Yourself Against the Aging Narcissist (1)

We’ve discussed in previous articles the many pitfalls of dealing with the aging narcissist, especially when the person concerned is a parent. There is an internal struggle familiar to adult children of narcissists and that is the need to treat their frail and aging parent in a humane way and yet a profound desire to maintain a sense of self and prevent further psychological harm to oneself. Here are some tips for dealing with this delicate dance between humanity and self-preservation: 1. Know your weaknesses. As discussed in previous articles, these may not be weaknesses at all, but rather psychological … Continue reading →

The Aging Narcissist (3)

It is tempting to make excuses for the behavior of an aging mother or father who may be living on their own with failing health. But in dealing with the aging narcissist, this normal sense of human compassion will be used as a tool by the narcissist to exploit and manipulate their well-meaning adult child. The aging narcissist has the same needs for respect and compassion as any elderly person. The problem is that the primary caregiver, often an adult child who has long suffered at the hands of this self-absorbed person, must cope with the increasing levels of narcissistic … Continue reading →

The Aging Narcissistic Parent (2)

The person who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder finds the aging process more difficult to deal with than the average person. Looks fade, the body no longer responds like that of a young healthy person, and the mind is no longer as sharp as it once was. All this contributes to an increasing sense of entitlement of the behalf of the narcissist. Entitlement simply means that the person believes that they are entitled to special treatment; in fact, they should get it as a matter of course without having to ask for it. Many teenagers display this trait but happily … Continue reading →

Why Did You Have a Baby?

Women have babies for lots of different reasons. Some women have wanted babies since they were quite young children themselves. Others have no interest at all in having children, but as time progresses they decide that they do want a child of their own. Some people deliberately choose to have a child and plan the birth accordingly. Others find themselves pregnant through a mistake or have a baby at a time that they haven’t quite planned. Some babies are wanted and others aren’t. I recently encountered a 39-year-old woman who told me the she was desperate to have a child. … Continue reading →

Is Artistic Genius an Excuse?

Are those with exceptional artistic or creative talent outside the rules for normal relationships and marriage boundaries? So often in today’s society, and even past society that seems to be the case. We make excuses because they are a genius. That was some of the thoughts that came out of the play Mick and I saw last night. We went with friends to see our local drama group’s production of the play Mr. Bailey’s Minder by Australian author Debra Oswald. The play is the ‘tough, funny and bighearted story of an abusive and cantankerous’ artist called Leo Bailey. Leo has … Continue reading →

Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism?

This is a question I am often asked by clients who are dealing with a narcissist in their lives. The answer is: it depends. Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? As a psychologist, I cannot tell a client what to do, they have to come to a decision about what to do about problems in their lives on their own and be comfortable with those decisions. But what I can do is point out the pros and cons of telling a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and what effects that revelation can have on the client. … Continue reading →

Celebrating Mother’s Day When You Don’t Like Your Mom

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You can’t miss the occasion of Mother’s Day. Advertisers refuse to let us. Wherever we turn we are bombarded with loving images of mothers and babies selling giftware from flowers to facials, and everything in between. But what happens if you don’t like your Mom? There is a huge societal rule that says “everyone loves their mom”. This is so imbedded in our psyche that to admit that you don’t actually like your mother often results in surprised looks, sounds of disbelief or even a lecture. “How could you not like your mother?” the naïve, lucky ones say. Sure, mothers … Continue reading →