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Caring for Your Aging Parent

Watching your parents grow older can be heart wrenching at times. They not only change physically, but their personalities may change as well. Many will develop health problems. You may notice that their eyesight or that their mental sharpness is declining as well. Our parents took care of us and guided us when we were young and now it is our turn to be there for them. Being a caregiver to your aging parent can be stressful at times. If you are in the position of being the sole caregiver it is especially trying. If you have other family members … Continue reading →

Aging Narcissistic Mothers: Elinor’s Last Stand

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We have looked at Elinor’s story in two separate articles as she fought to regain control of her life against her narcissistic mother. Today’s article is about what happened when Elinor gave her mother the greatest gift of all and was rejected in a cruel and vindictive way. As we read earlier (see articles below) Elinor spent decades of her life devoting herself to trying to please her mother. She didn’t realize her mother suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder and so kept trying to win her love and approval, hoping that one day her mother would literally “wake up to … Continue reading →

The Aging Narcissist: What Happened to Elinor?

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Some time ago I wrote an article of what life was like for Elinor, the middle aged daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother. This article has spawned countless comments and private correspondences, as well as an introductory to therapy for many people. The story has never been concluded formally but I have had many requests for what happened to Elinor. How did she fair with her mother who had berated her as a child and made increasing demands on her as an adult? Well, Elinor went into counseling and slowly learned the mechanics of how a narcissist thinks and operates. … Continue reading →

Denying the Father’s Role when Mother is a Narcissist

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One of the more painful aspects of detaching from a narcissist mother is acknowledging the role that the father plays in the family dynamic. I have had many clients who, once they have identified their mothers as suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), have to then look at the unpleasant truth of the role their father played in maintaining the status quo. Often my clients proclaim that their father was “wonderful”, “warm and “loving” and he may well have been all these things. But the truth is, he allowed his wife to systematically erode the budding egos and personalities of … Continue reading →

Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism?

This is a question I am often asked by clients who are dealing with a narcissist in their lives. The answer is: it depends. Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? As a psychologist, I cannot tell a client what to do, they have to come to a decision about what to do about problems in their lives on their own and be comfortable with those decisions. But what I can do is point out the pros and cons of telling a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and what effects that revelation can have on the client. … Continue reading →

When Your Child’s Grandparent is a Narcissist

We have looked at many articles concerning what it is like to be the child of a narcissistic parent (see below). But what happens when you, the child of a narcissist, go on to have children of your own? How does having children influence your relationship with your narcissistic parent? Having children of your own is probably the biggest wake-up call you will ever have in your life. This applies to members of most dysfunctional families, but children of a narcissistic parent are particularly susceptible to feelings of doubt and insecurity about their own skills as a parent. Not having … Continue reading →

How a Narcissist Thinks

People who live, work or interact socially with a person who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder are often at a loss as to the way in which the latter’s mind works. They are more than selfish, they appear to have little or no social conscience, yet on the other hand can exude a sense of charm that other, more normal people, could never compete with. So just what makes these people tick? People suffering from personality disorders in general have not gone through the same maturation processes that more well-balanced people normally do throughout the course of their childhood and … Continue reading →

Defending Yourself against the Aging Narcissist (2)

In the first article in this series (see link below) we looked at the first two tips for dealing with a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Today we continue with further aids for dealing with these damaging and difficult people. 3. Examine carefully all the achievements you have made in your life in spite of your background. Your achievements, your victories, your assets: you have attained all of them without the usual parental encouragement and assistance. In fact, you may well have been berated for your achievements or even hijacked temporarily by your parent in your journey to success. … Continue reading →

Defending Yourself Against the Aging Narcissist (1)

We’ve discussed in previous articles the many pitfalls of dealing with the aging narcissist, especially when the person concerned is a parent. There is an internal struggle familiar to adult children of narcissists and that is the need to treat their frail and aging parent in a humane way and yet a profound desire to maintain a sense of self and prevent further psychological harm to oneself. Here are some tips for dealing with this delicate dance between humanity and self-preservation: 1. Know your weaknesses. As discussed in previous articles, these may not be weaknesses at all, but rather psychological … Continue reading →

The Aging Narcissist (3)

It is tempting to make excuses for the behavior of an aging mother or father who may be living on their own with failing health. But in dealing with the aging narcissist, this normal sense of human compassion will be used as a tool by the narcissist to exploit and manipulate their well-meaning adult child. The aging narcissist has the same needs for respect and compassion as any elderly person. The problem is that the primary caregiver, often an adult child who has long suffered at the hands of this self-absorbed person, must cope with the increasing levels of narcissistic … Continue reading →