Telling People about your Mental Illness

by Beth McHugh | More from this Blogger

08 Oct 2008 02:49 PM

Whether we suffer from depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, an eating disorder or one of the many anxiety disorders, there comes a time when decisions have to be made as to who and what to tell about your condition.

Sometimes that decision is taken away from us, as when we suffer a psychotic episode, a suicide attempt, or our eating disorder has become obvious even to the most casual observer.

I am often asked by clients how they should go about telling people about their illness and who they should tell. It can be quite a challenge to tell others about the emotional pain you are experiencing. Sufferers often "look" normal, yet suffer terribly, often on a daily basis. Yet it is the absence of obvious physical cues that cause others to minimize or even disbelieve the full extent of the pain and misery that accompanies all forms of mental illness.

For this reason, it can be prudent to decide carefully about who you tell about your disorder. Despite numerous campaigns to raise awareness of mental illness in the community, there are always going to be people in your life who cannot and will not understand your dilemma. These people are also capable of inflicting further pain and suffering, not to mention create shame and stigmatization in the sufferer.

The following is a guideline to help you make the task of telling others about your illness easier and more empowering for you:

1. Write your thoughts down on paper. This is a useful practice for clarifying your thoughts and reasons for telling a particular person.

2. Be clear as to why you are telling this person. It may be that this person is your boss and you need to explain absences or lowered job performance. On the other hand, you may be telling a friend because you want assistance from them. Be clear what it is that you hope to achieve by telling an individual.

Knowing this will assist you in coping with negative reactions that you may receive. Sometimes we are unclear as to why we are disclosing personal information about ourselves to others until after the deed is done, and then it may become obvious that we were disclosing for all the wrong reasons. Be very clear about your motives for revealing your illness.

3. Find a good source of information about your illness and have it on hand to give to the person should they require further information. Most people are poorly informed about mental illness in general and providing them with excellent sources of information can only benefit you in the long run. Skeptical people in particular are more likely to react more favorably to well-informed documentation than a personal, unfocussed and emotional monologue delivered by you.

4. Prepare yourself for all possible reactions from the individual. Remember that you cannot control other people's reactions or belief systems, but you can be prepared for what to say in response to any questions you may encounter.

5. If you would like help from the person you are disclosing to, be clear about what form that help should take. Many people are more than willing to help, but do not have the faintest idea what to do. This is where you need to be specific about your needs according to the condition from which you suffer.

6. Because this issue is important to you, you might like to consider making an appointment time to speak with the person about your illness. You will find a more receptive audience when you have taken the time and effort to set up a meeting time, than when the other person is being constantly beset by interruptions.

It is important for your own mental health to share your condition with others. Many will be willing to assist you. Others will walk out of your life once they are aware of the true nature and chronicity of your illness. Expect this. Expect to be hurt by some of your friends and acquaintances. It was a long time ago when the quote "a friend in need is a friend indeed" came into being and human nature has not changed in the interim. But do not let this aspect of some people's characters put you off telling significant others.

Telling people, regardless of their reactions, can be a truly empowering experience.

Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue.

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Depression: Symptoms and Treatment (2)

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When antidepressants aren't the best option (1)

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Depression: The myth of "Chemical Imbalance"

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Learn more about Beth McHugh

Beth McHugh began her career as a geologist and worked both in industry and as a university researcher.

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tknbunni (10) 18 Oct 2008 04:43 AM

I just read something you wrote awhile back about the "myth" of chemical imbalance and I disagree with you. There has been a great deal of brain research done that has shownchemical damage that causes chemical malfunction and imbalance especially pertaining to meth use but also coke. Dopeamine is also a chemical that when out of balance causes people to have severe problems and doesn't get replaced by the body once depleated, correct? While it is true that there is a great deal of work that goes into controlling ones thoughts and behaviors, taking responsibility and learning to make choices rather than just fly by the moment, some people are incapable without the correct medication. I struggled my whole life and now almost have a BA and two very healthy happy kids. i am not perfect but I am capable of thinking rationally, before my brain went through thoughts so fast and half of them werent even real. They were contrived to make me miserable or to justify some behavior. That hasn't all stopped completely and certain stressors make it worse but I am aware and I am capable of recognizing it, my brain works differently than it ever has, my whole life. Scientific discovery happens everyday and when dealing with peoples lives one should be very very careful about allowing bias to prevent research into all aspects of available data. You know that children can react to things they see by turning off parts of their brains to development creating psycopathic or sociopathic adults or teens, that is a chemical imbalance, when the brain cannot communicate. I have met these children. They don't even move their arms when they walk, there are very different physical symptoms as well as emotional and mental. While I agree meds don't fix everything or anything if a person isn't serious about getting help and turning things around, it is important to give people that hope. Unless you've been in that dark hole with yourself and your demons, you don't know about imbalance. Have you? Have you come out? Have you taken meds? Have you seen the recent brain scan research? The drug addiction brain scan research? I am very curious to hear your response. I am passionate about this. I work with people in those places, and plan to continue on in my education to get my MSW so that I can be a LCSW. Maybe someday a PHD. A few years back (8) I thought I wasn't even going to be able to raise my daughter alone and now I am setting goals and achieving them. I take meds, as prescribed every day. Every few years I will go off of them to see if it is just in my head. It isn't. I keep a journal and set up a safety net for myself and my family. It happens fast, I just get lost, I lose myself, my ambition. I love my life and I am so thankful I had a doctor who was willing to believe and work with me and what she had. I am a success story. It could have been bad. Keep an open mind, always. Again passionate topic and thought provoking. I've never done this before. Good night.

Beth McHugh (13216) 18 Oct 2008 02:22 PM

Hi tknbunni, looking at brain scans showing damage caused by introduced substances such as crystal meth and coke is a lot different to attempting to measure natural neurotransmitters in the brain. Psychiatrists I have spoken to or worked with have all admitted that reseachers have little idea how antidepressants and antipsychotics effect the brain simply becasue at present we do not possess the technology to measure the relative amounts of neurochemicals in the brain. The mechanisms via which these drugs work remains at a theory level only. Hence sufferers of depression, for example, may have to try a selection of antidepressants before finding one that is suitable for them. It still is, unfortunately, a case of stabbing in the dark when it comes to finding the right medication and this is can be very disturbing for the sick client, as much time is involved in changing from one medication type to another. I find the article: http://mental-health.families.com/blog/depression-the-myth-of-chemical-imbalance very interesting since it clearly outlines the truth about the real efficacy of antidepressants. As I have said in many articles, there is nothing wrong with taking medication, in fact, in some cases, medication is not only necessary but a life saver. While medications partially alleviates some symptoms it does not change the life situation and self-beliefs of the consumer. I have yet to meet a happy person suffering form depression and by that, I mean, that for each person I have worked with who suffers from depression, there are underlying reasons which are driving that depression. So via a combination of medication and therapy, an attempt is made to get to the root cause of each person's troubles. This of course does not include sufferers of schizophrenia, for example, where permanent physical changes can be found in the structure of the brain. This is not the case for sufferers of anxiety disorders and depression. For me, this is always seen as a sign of hope for change for sufferers of these extraordinarily debilitating conditions. Best wishes, Beth