Recovering from a Breakdown (1)by Beth McHugh | More from this Blogger 08 Jan 2006 04:42 PM
What can you do when your life is a mess, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, and you feel you are so far down the slippery slope that you will never see the light of day again? Many people find themselves in this situation. You are certainly not alone. Perhaps your situation has gone on for so long that you have forgotten what it is like to be happy and feel in control of your life. Time has weakened your coping skills and many of your friends and supports have deserted you for other, less troubled people. What can you do? If you find yourself in chronic difficulties and, because of those difficulties, all aspects of your life seem out of control, regaining that control can seem almost impossible. The important word here, though, is "almost". Sidney Smith once said: "It is the greatest of mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do what you can." This is sound advice. To not start a task, whether it is cleaning up the house which has resembled a battle zone for some months, or to start looking for employment when your partner has left you and you've been out of the workforce for 10 years, means that nothing can ever change. Remember, the longest journey starts with a single step. For most life goals, we are encouraged to look at the end result to encourage us to do the hard yards. For example, if we passionately want to be an airline pilot, we must expect to put in many hours of hard work and study, plus a lot of cash, to ultimately achieve our goal. To help ourselves get through the hard work it takes to achieve our treasured goals, we are encouraged to focus on the end result. We practice seeing ourselves as a fully qualified pilot. However, when dealing with chronic emotional illnesses, we often can't envisage the goal of wellness, or imagine that we can ever be well again. It is just too difficult. We may as well try to fly to Mars. This is when we must concentrate on the small goals, and not look too far ahead into the future, less we become discouraged by the enormity of the task. So, we take the small steps. We set small goals. Perhaps you haven't been well enough to clean the house properly for months. You look around at the "goal" of cleaning it. It all seems too much. There's no way you can do it. This is where we remember the words of Sidney Smith quoted above. We do what we can. In the case of cleaning the house, we ignore the "greater goal" of having a perfectly clean house and instead focus on one thing. That one thing may be making the bed. Having made the bed, we have achieved our goal for the day. The thing we must not do now is to think: "All I've done is made the bed. I'm pathetic." On the contrary, you are a great success. Yesterday, you did not make the bed. Today, you did. That's a 100% improvement rate. Most business and sportspeople would kill for a performance such as that! In articles to come, we will look at extending this theme to examine many different ways in which you can move from feeling out of control of your life, to slowly achieving a sense of mastery again. Contact Beth McHugh for further information or assistance regarding this issue. Related articles: Learn more about Beth McHugh  Beth McHugh began her career as a geologist and worked both in industry and as a university researcher. Relevantmental health tags relationships | Scrapbooking | children | parenting | pregnancy | Kids | family | marriage | sex | christmas User Comments inspired_creations (130) 06 Feb 2006 10:35 AM"The thing we must not do now is to think: “All I’ve done is made the bed. I’m pathetic.” On the contrary, you are a great success. Yesterday, you did not make the bed. Today, you did. That’s a 100% improvement rate." I really appreciate this advice, as it's something I can really relate to. In the second half of last year I completed my first semester of university after being sick for most of the first half of the year. My marks were average, and at first this disappointed me - until I considered the fact that I'd passed everything, when I was sure at more than one point I wouldn't even see the semester out, let alone pass everything. cal1 (75) 06 Jan 2008 10:39 PMI've read this concept, and heart about it from my therapist, but the problem is, as great as it is that you got up and did a little something, the world doesn't pause and wait for you to catch up. It's great that you made your bed, but other people also make their bed, then breakfast, rush to the office, put in a full day, pick up drycleaning, then clean other stuff in the house afterwards. And the next day they tackle a new list. Meanwhile, you've got the bed made on day one, and maybe tomorrow you'll do some dishes. But each day you fall farther and farther behind. So should I feel good about the two things I did today? What about the 18 things I didn't get to? Or the fact that tomorrow there will be 20 new tasks, and I've still only done 5% of day 1's list. By the end of the week, I'm hopelessly behind. I understand that it's great to take baby steps, but unless you're a baby, the world is going to run you down. This is the situation I'm in, I can to the little pieces, but I'm getting totally overwhelmed with this world that's passing me by at 90MPH, while i'm in the breakdown lane doing 20. I'ts hard to feel pride in that.  Beth McHugh (13186) 06 Jan 2008 11:03 PMThe sentiment in the last sentence is what you have to work on. Your beliefs about yourself require adjustment. Being unwell, you cannot operate at full power, why would you think you could? If you would like help in changing yourself you are welcome to contact me. Your current attitude, though understandable, is sabotaging any hope of recovery. cal1 (75) 07 Jan 2008 07:42 PMMs. McHugh - you are probably right that my attitudes are hurting me. After all my attitude is something along the lines of; "I hate myself, and the world, and I want to die". Clearly that is not a recipe for happiness. There is a kind of logic to my thought process, although I'd have to go into a lot more detail to explain it. Suffice to say, depression is often a result of distorted thinking. But sometimes really bad things do happen, and there's no amount of CBT that will make them go away. Sometime when I feel up to it, I'll check out your pay-site and who knows, maybe you can help me. I'm sorry If I seemed like I was putting down your advice here. I think it makes great sense for people in a certain situation. I just feel that It's not very useful for me. Sorry. Beth McHugh (13186) 08 Jan 2008 03:54 PMCBT or indeed any therapy is not designed to "make things go away." Nothing can ever make horrendous events go away. In fact, denial, that old standby, is probably the worst action one can take in response to trauma of any kind. I don't take your comments as a criticism at all, it seems that you are not in a very good phase at the moment, yet your ability to read and comment indicates that there is still a good measure of positive energy there. Community Tags anxiety, depression, mental breakdown, recovery Discuss this article
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"The longest journey starts with a single step"
