Narcissistic Parents and Rapeby Beth McHugh | More from this Blogger 06 Feb 2009 03:01 AM If there is ever a time when a female needs the support of her parents, in particular her mother, it is when she has been raped or in some way sexually abused. Parents react in a variety of ways to this trauma, but for the adult child of a narcissist, the pain caused by the narcissistic parent can often be worse than the trauma of the rape itself. Let's look at the case of Jenny. Jenny was raped by a family friend at the age of 24 but did not tell either of her parents immediately. She knew from past experiences that if she did so, she would somehow be blamed for the rape. Whatever happened, she would not get the love and support she needed and she knew this. The incidence would be turned around to be her fault, rather than that of the perpetrator. So she sought therapy and after three years felt strong enough to tell her mother, who suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Jenny was so happy that she had waited to tell her story to her mother. As she began her sorry tale, her mother interrupted her and said "You know, sometimes when we don't feel well, we imagine things happened to us." Here, Jenny's mother was denying the existence of Jenny's rape. But Jenny pushed on. She told her mother it really had happened. At this point Jenny's mother put her face in her hands and cried "Why does this have to happen to me?" Unmoved, Jenny calmly told her mother that this had happened to her, Jenny. Her mother continued to cry and Jenny restrained her conditioned response to comfort her mother, when it was her mother who should have been comforting her. Jenny's mother has never mentioned the incident since. Jenny then faced another brief round of therapy to help her cope with hr mother's reaction. This is unfortunately the typical reaction of an NPD mother to their child's trauma. Unable to cope with the "imperfection" of the incidence and certainly unable to give up the spotlight long enough to acknowledge their child's pain, Jenny's story is not an isolated one. It is important to also note the typical reaction in bringing the subject of the pain back to the narcissist instead of to the victim where it rightly belongs. This too is characteristic behavior of the NPD sufferer. Fortunately through therapy Jenny was able to both prepare herself for the inevitability of her mother's reaction and to cope with the pain of not receiving the comfort she so desperately wanted. Jenny has since recovered and moved on from not receiving her mother's love and support. Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue. Want an easier way to keep abreast of Beth's latest blogs? By clicking on the "Subscribe via Email" link in the subscription box to the right, you will receive email notification of each new blog as it is published. Related articles: All Articles on Narcissistic Personality Disorder Learn more about Beth McHugh  Beth McHugh began her career as a geologist and worked both in industry and as a university researcher. Relevantmental health tags relationships | parenting | pregnancy | Kids | Scrapbooking | christmas | sex | marriage | children | family User Comments surthrive (25) 20 Jun 2009 06:19 AMThis also happened to me about 7 years ago. It is a pretty long story and cannot really be simplified. I returned to my parents hometown to help them move house, and find work so I could save and move onto another city...it was only supposed to be temporary! I fell into a suicidal depression, and had been depressed for years before that throughout my 20's, without seeking help...just didn't see how anyone could possibly help me! My parents convinced me to go on anti-depressants, though I was STAUNCHLY against the idea and had put it off for 8 years choosing to find other ways to deal with it. I am introverted though and quite sensitive, so I think being depressive goes with the territory, as well as being an artist! I caved in and since nothing else seemed to work I let them take me to the doctor... the same doctor who had told me I was pregnant (7 weeks) a few years prior to this. It turned out that I was nearly 4 months pregnant, but I did not discover this until I was actually in the abortion clinic, where I chose to go ahead with the termination only to find that the "laughing gas" they gave me did nothing to numb the pain as I was told it would. I think he acted unscrupulously as well, as he put his finger in me to apparently "check the cervix" that's what he said? Is that normal practise? Anyway, I didn't have much trust in the family doctor (or any doctors after that really) but I let him give me the prescription so I could get them off my back! The pills worked but I was on them when I was working one night and I guess my judgement was affected, as I let a guy I didn't even know give me a ride home...and on the way he decided to stop somewhere private and get something for his "generosity" and "caring enough for my safety to drive me home" in his own mind! My parents were going through alot themselves, dad had lost his business and assets and house that he built from scratch and mum was not coping with the role reversal and having to be the one paying rent and bills for a change. I put off telling them for at least a month, but mum knew something was up and kept asking me, til one day I exploded and finally told her. She was supportive at first, gave me a hug and told me it had happened to her as well when she was my age, which was wierd. A few days later I decided to stop taking the meds as I didn't want to become too used to them and felt like they had lifted me out of the state I was in...but I did it wrong and stopped abruptly, which brought on MAJOR aggressive episodes and very uncharacteristic behaviour which led to me getting kicked out of home by dad, after being hit for getting angry...I was in so much pain and so angry, and it's like they had totally forgotten what had happened to me...like the pill would just take it all away. I ended up in a domestic violence shelter...and ever since dad has blamed me for what happened and even managed to get me to admit that I'm the one that went with the guy so...He is probably the one I would say is more narcissistic than my mother though she can definately have her self-centred times too (can't we all though?) It just feels like they have majorly let me down over the years, and this isn't the only scenario...there isn't enough space to tell all the times, but I've kept a journal just so I know I'm not crazy...they always deny it whenever I bring up stuff they did, and turn it around to make me out to be the cruel and twisted one! My two brothers have gotten in on the act in the last few years as well, and I get the feeling dad has told them stories to get them onside with him. I don't trust ANY of them...they're supposed to be my family?? I think they do it partly because they think I have no confidence...because I'm not extroverted and don't yell and make lots of noise and talk all the time. I'm pretty quiet and they just have all these wrong thopughts about the person I am. Being misunderstood is something I am used to , but being accused of doing things, HORRIBLE things that I definately didn't do, is dangerous to my sanity! I've been trying to bring this to their attention for years now, and the more I do, the more vicious they get! I told one of my brothers this week that I want no more contact with him after he twisted a whole bunch of stuff around to make himself out to be the decent one and me out to be 'bad' (as usual) My other brother told me without even saying thankyou for my efforts, that he didn't lik,e the present I made for him, and didn't bother to take care of it, and it broke on the planeride home from visiting us. He didn't care one bit, and there is other behaviour too that points to narcissism. Is it possible that BOTH my parents AND two brothers are all narcissists?  Beth McHugh |
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