Living with a Person with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

by Beth McHugh | More from this Blogger

17 Jan 2008 07:31 PM

Sharing a household with a person suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is not easy. It is not uncommon for family members to believe that the sufferer is just "picky" and stubborn and therefore unnecessary arguments and stress results, not only for the co-habiter but for the sufferer as well.

Fiona's husband, Steve, had no idea that his wife had OCD. He had never heard of it. Yet when his wife checked the windows every night before going to bed, even when she knew some of them hadn't even been opened, he complained. When she checked the dials on the oven over and over again to see if the gas was truly off, he blew his stack. She rattled doors compulsively to check if they were really locked. Fiona denied that she was doing anything wrong. Steve sat fuming in the car waiting to leave as his wife made every exit from the house a nightmare as he sat waiting while she checked endlessly. An argument would ensue after each of these incidences.

Unfortunately the years of stress that Steve suffered resulted in him having a heart attack in his early 50s. If he had known that Fiona had an illness, rather than a stubborn streak, things might have been different. In this case, however, Fiona knew what was wrong with her, but was in denial as to how it was affecting the marriage and indeed her husband's health.

Steve verbally abused his wife for her behaviors. Because he was unaware of the nature of this illness, he was unwittingly contributing to its continuation and Fiona's downward spiral. Stress aggravates this condition by causing additional distress to Fiona.. Yet Fiona was also contributing to her illness by not seeking help, and in particular, not admitting she had a problem. If she could have said to Steve: "I know I have this problem, but I can't seem to stop it" he may have been less angry at his wife.

The children of the marriage suffered too. Always late for every appointment due to obsessive checking, Fiona's young sons missed out on important events but mostly felt embarrassed at having to walk in late for school almost every day and even incurring punishment for doing so. They were too frightened and too young to at the time to confide in the principal. Even if they had, they didn't know about the illness either. Both boys left home as soon as they finished school because the atmosphere at home was too unpleasant.

It is important for both the sufferer and the family to seek help over issues such as this which serve to break down both communication between family members and the family itself. If Steve had discussed the issue with his family doctor and Fiona sought counseling, the boys would have understood that their mother was sick. A heart attack may have been prevented. And most importantly, Fiona may have been able to maintain some control over her symptoms and have a better quality of life.

Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue.

Related articles:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Diagnostic Criteria

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Causes and Treatment

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Origins

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Symptoms and Behaviors

What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Learn more about Beth McHugh

Beth McHugh began her career as a geologist and worked both in industry and as a university researcher.

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LarryJameson (85) 27 Feb 2008 03:32 AM

Real communication is THE common ingredient to overcoming, or dealing with, the many issues that arise in life. My wife developed a "cleaning" compulsion after her brain injury to the point that she ate oatmeal using the same bowl and spoon for every meal because she didn't want to get anything else dirty.

After eating, she would immediately wash what she had used. She scrubbed floors, walls, everything. Her brain injury resulted from an anoxic stroke suffered during a case of Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome caused by, we were told, bacteria that got into her bloodstream. Bacteria -- dirty stuff -- affected her life forever; she wanted no more "dirty stuff" in her life. So she cleaned and cleaned.

Knowing "dirty stuff" was a real fear in her life, we were able to communicate and eventually overcome the compulsion.

Beth McHugh (12962) 27 Feb 2008 02:19 PM

Hi Larry, it's wonderful that your wife was able to overcome her fear of germs and go back to leading a normal life. In this case, the cause was clear-cut , and therefore it was relatively easier to pinpoint and work on this problem, which was a type of germ phobia. Fortunately specific phobias such as this one are far easier to treat than classic OCD which can have deep, unconscious problems at its roots. Nevertheless, true OCD can also be treated with therapy. But as you say, communication between partners is essential. I hope you and your wife are happy again after her upsetting trauma. You look like you are!

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