Search Results for: blog how a narcissist thinks

The Aging Narcissist: What Happened to Elinor?

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Some time ago I wrote an article of what life was like for Elinor, the middle aged daughter of an elderly narcissistic mother. This article has spawned countless comments and private correspondences, as well as an introductory to therapy for many people. The story has never been concluded formally but I have had many requests for what happened to Elinor. How did she fair with her mother who had berated her as a child and made increasing demands on her as an adult? Well, Elinor went into counseling and slowly learned the mechanics of how a narcissist thinks and operates. … Continue reading →

Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism?

This is a question I am often asked by clients who are dealing with a narcissist in their lives. The answer is: it depends. Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? As a psychologist, I cannot tell a client what to do, they have to come to a decision about what to do about problems in their lives on their own and be comfortable with those decisions. But what I can do is point out the pros and cons of telling a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and what effects that revelation can have on the client. … Continue reading →

When Your Child’s Grandparent is a Narcissist

We have looked at many articles concerning what it is like to be the child of a narcissistic parent (see below). But what happens when you, the child of a narcissist, go on to have children of your own? How does having children influence your relationship with your narcissistic parent? Having children of your own is probably the biggest wake-up call you will ever have in your life. This applies to members of most dysfunctional families, but children of a narcissistic parent are particularly susceptible to feelings of doubt and insecurity about their own skills as a parent. Not having … Continue reading →

How a Narcissist Thinks

People who live, work or interact socially with a person who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder are often at a loss as to the way in which the latter’s mind works. They are more than selfish, they appear to have little or no social conscience, yet on the other hand can exude a sense of charm that other, more normal people, could never compete with. So just what makes these people tick? People suffering from personality disorders in general have not gone through the same maturation processes that more well-balanced people normally do throughout the course of their childhood and … Continue reading →

Escaping the Trap of the Narcissistic Mother

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In Dealing with a Narcissistic Mother, we looked at how 39-year-old Elinor was still caught up in a desperate game of trying to win the love and approval of her mother, who suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. When Elinor came in for therapy she was sad, slightly depressed and full of rage for a mother who just could not give her the love and approval that Elinor wanted. Although Elinor had a loving husband, and two wonderful children, she was not happy. This is not unusual when basic childhood needs such as love and approval have not been delivered to … Continue reading →

Nurture, Yes, but Three No Nos for Marriage

After a brief sojourn onto other topics I’m back with the alphabetical marriage blogs. This time is Ns turn – 1 great one on the positive side and 3 you definitely don’t want in your marriage. Nurturing Each person in a marriage needs to be nurturing and supportive of their spouse. To nurture means the care of promoting the development of another person. Nurturing means nourishing, feeding or supporting. This means more than just meeting their physical need with food but nurturing them by encouraging and helping, praising and building them up. It is supporting them in whatever they undertake. … Continue reading →

Balloon Boy and Siblings May End up Parentless

When stories of the Heene family (balloon boy) surfaced last week, I opted to say nothing but to watch quietly. In the end, it is being reported that the family perpetrated a hoax on news outlets and the country as a whole to get attention. News outlets, the police, and everyone else is fighting mad because adrenaline junkie Richard Heene was able to pull the hoax and steal the attention of America in an effort to grab a bit of fame. Personally, I think everyone is so mad because they fell for it. But if you go back now and … Continue reading →

Why Did You Have a Baby?

Women have babies for lots of different reasons. Some women have wanted babies since they were quite young children themselves. Others have no interest at all in having children, but as time progresses they decide that they do want a child of their own. Some people deliberately choose to have a child and plan the birth accordingly. Others find themselves pregnant through a mistake or have a baby at a time that they haven’t quite planned. Some babies are wanted and others aren’t. I recently encountered a 39-year-old woman who told me the she was desperate to have a child. … Continue reading →

Is Artistic Genius an Excuse?

Are those with exceptional artistic or creative talent outside the rules for normal relationships and marriage boundaries? So often in today’s society, and even past society that seems to be the case. We make excuses because they are a genius. That was some of the thoughts that came out of the play Mick and I saw last night. We went with friends to see our local drama group’s production of the play Mr. Bailey’s Minder by Australian author Debra Oswald. The play is the ‘tough, funny and bighearted story of an abusive and cantankerous’ artist called Leo Bailey. Leo has … Continue reading →

Celebrating Mother’s Day When You Don’t Like Your Mom

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You can’t miss the occasion of Mother’s Day. Advertisers refuse to let us. Wherever we turn we are bombarded with loving images of mothers and babies selling giftware from flowers to facials, and everything in between. But what happens if you don’t like your Mom? There is a huge societal rule that says “everyone loves their mom”. This is so imbedded in our psyche that to admit that you don’t actually like your mother often results in surprised looks, sounds of disbelief or even a lecture. “How could you not like your mother?” the naïve, lucky ones say. Sure, mothers … Continue reading →