Finding a Good Therapist

by Beth McHugh | More from this Blogger

10 Nov 2007 03:44 PM

It can be very difficult to make the decision to go into therapy and people begin therapy for many reasons. It could be that the person is in so much emotional pain, that to do nothing about it is not an option. At the other end of the spectrum are people who don't really want to go to therapy but are forced to by a spouse or family member. The odds of success are high for the former group and obviously much lower for the second group. But for whatever reason you decide to enter therapy, the one thing you do want is a good therapist. But just what is a good therapist? The answer is simple: it's the therapist that is right for you.

Many therapists gain clients through word of mouth, and certainly hearing good things about a therapist is a promising sign that the therapist that was good for your friend will also be good for you. But just as you won't necessarily like all your friend's friends, you won't necessarily "click" with your friend's choice of therapist either.

A good therapist for you is one that you feel comfortable with. You need to like and respect your therapist or you will not be open to what they say to you. You should also feel comfortable with your therapist, in that you feel that you could say anything to them and you would not feel that they would judge you or think less of you. This is very important, since there may be things that you tell a therapist that you will never tell another person. So it is very important to feel that you trust them and you trust their judgment.

Always give a therapist at least two sessions before you make up your mind whether you can work with them. If you still feel uncomfortable, it's time to find another. Also be prepared to feel nervous and uncomfortable at times with your therapist. After all, they are not meant to be a friend who will nod and agree with everything you say. Sometimes therapists can make you feel very uncomfortable indeed, as they slowly move you towards areas in your life that are blocking you and you don't want to deal with. This is where it is important that you have that initial liking and trusting relationship, because when things start to get hard in therapy, you need to feel reassured that your therapist is there trying to make your life better and is ultimately on your side.

Occasionally you will get angry with your therapist, and a good therapist will be able to cope with that and not get angry back at you. An angry therapist is not a good sign, and although rare lapses are acceptable, since we are all human, a therapist who routinely displays frustration at your slow progress or inability to move past a certain difficulty in your life, is not the right therapist for you.

The best relationship is where you are able to look back and see that during the difficult times in your life journey, your therapist was there, like a patient parent, listening, hoping for and watching your recovery. When you finally "get there" they are almost as pleased as you are!

Contact Beth McHugh for further assistance regarding this issue.

Related articles:

Choosing a Therapist

Learn more about Beth McHugh

Beth McHugh began her career as a geologist and worked both in industry and as a university researcher.

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QueenAngie Central Illinois, USA (60081) 11 Nov 2007 02:35 PM

My insurance at work covers counseling in two ways.

The Employee Assistance Program offers 1st a telephonic session to help immediately and arrange the 1st in person session. I believe there are 6 sessions that are covered by this program. They are free, but arrange which counselor you will be seeing.

My health insurance covers XX amount of sessions per year, with the counselor of my choice within the health care plan of counselors, and there is a co-pay for each session.

I am thinking that insurance helps determine the cost and who you may see.

QueenAngie Central Illinois, USA (60081) 11 Nov 2007 02:37 PM

Wanted to add, since I work in health care, it is very easy for me to ask my social worker friends at the hospital, who they would recommend as a counselor in private practice.

Beth McHugh (13211) 11 Nov 2007 03:54 PM

The point here is that the "best," or recommended counselor, is not necessarily the best counselor for you. You may not like the surgeon who is going to operate on your gall bladder, but it doesn't really matter. If s/he's efficient at their job, you put up with their unpleasant quirks knowing you're getting a good technician and a positive outcome. With counseling it's different, as I stated about. As it's such a personal relationship, the choice in counselor must be up to the individual, not others hearsay. While a friend or colleague can recommend a skilled counselor, if there is no bond between you, therapy will stall.

timada (31) 24 Apr 2008 05:03 AM

Angie, than why don’t you ask and tell us all who is the best therapist in Illinois? I got through so many therapists that I don’t know if I still can trust someone again. But I could try, coz I really need it! ______________________________________________ Ada Therapy