Search Results for: blog bitss of say no

What To Know Before You Ask Someone Out for a Date

A good rule of thumb, if you ask someone out on a date, know where you want to go or what you want to do before you ask them. There are several reasons for this, of course, but the best reason is that people are indecisive. They are never quite sure what they want to do, but will often agree to do something if it sounds like fun. So for the average person who wants to go out on a date, the first issue you should acknowledge is that money is likely to be involved. Whether it’s just paying for … Continue reading →

Topical Whensday: When Will Your Yes Mean Yes and Your No Mean No.

“Yes means yes, no means no,” has been a long trialed slogan, trotted out to raise awareness around rape and sexual assault. Yes, great. Is it working? No. Research supports that it can be difficult for many children and women to say no in risky situations because they are often scared and because they have seldom had the opportunity to have their “no” listened to and respected. Being assertive takes practice. Saying “no” when everyone else is saying “yes” can leave many people isolated and bullied. Desperate to fit in, to be liked, to be part of the crowd, many … Continue reading →

A Chatterbox, Chatterbitss Activity, for Protective Play

Do you remember those paper folded, two hand, finger manipulated, schoolyard toys that we used to terrorize each other with? Four different colored faces, numbers on the inside that opened up to the most derogatory sayings the author could think of, e.g., “You love (the nerdiest boy in the class)” or “You smell.” We used to call them Chatterboxes. Who would have thought that such a simple, hand made toy could become a powerful teaching tool. Instead of Chatterbox, I call them Chatterbitts and use them to teach protective behaviors. I put protective statements, or reminders, under the inside triangular … Continue reading →

Final BITSS of Protective Play

As we’ve seen over the previous five BITSS articles on Body ownership, Intuition, Touch, Say no and Support networks, there are endless ways to include BITSS activities and games as part of your child’s everyday life. The suggestions provided were an entree to get you thinking and playing protectively. Stay curious, create different activities, seek out more information or think about getting a few resources from sexual assault centers or other places that deal with child sexual abuse. There are also some great computer games that children can play to help them learn about personal safety. Hold a protective behaviors … Continue reading →

BITSS of Say No.

It has always struck me as strange that while we want our children to grow into confident, assertive adults, we do not allow them to practice assertiveness as children. Although many toddlers start out saying “no” on every occasion, we soon halt this learning by telling the babies that saying “no” is not nice. Sexual abuse is not nice either and when children have been trained to never say “no” to grown ups, they become easy targets for predators. Saying “no” is not a form of disrespect. It is an example of assertiveness and high self-esteem. Of course, there will … Continue reading →

BITSS of Touch

Any touch can quickly turn from good to bad. So too can sexual activity and the grooming process that leads up to sexual abuse. Therefore, it is VERY important your child understands good touches/bad touches. Just as adults have the authority to say no at any time, so too do children. If someone is cuddling them and then tries to touch their private parts, children need to know this is a bad touch and they can say no and go and tell someone, even if the cuddle was good at first and they really wanted it. Most children are familiar … Continue reading →

BITSS of Intuition

Intuition is the adult term for what kids know as early warning signs. It is said that females have better intuition than males because girls are more sensitive. Perhaps that’s only because some of us train our sons NOT to rely on their intuition and not to show their feelings about things. We like them to be manly: rational, sensible, scientific, and cut off from their feelings. And when male children are sensitive we put them down by telling them not to be girls/sissies/cry babies!? The other thing we often do when children show emotion is to tell them to … Continue reading →

BITSS of Body Ownership.

From the moment we are born, our body belongs to us. Our body is part of our human signature. Babies may need to rely on adults to care for them but each baby’s body is still unique: they have their own skin, tone, imprints, hair, voice, size and shape. A newborn baby has little understanding of where their body begins and ends, so as loving carers, we engage in touch, good touch, to teach our babies what is theirs and what is ours. We stroke them, massage them and put clothes on them to give a message of body boundaries … Continue reading →

Post Thanksgiving Turkey Tales

Regular readers of this blog know that I have a thing for eating contests. While I have never personally participated in one, I find myself strangely attracted to the sight of people shoving endless amounts of food into their mouths at high rates of speed. Thanksgiving meals are similar to eating contests only minus the speed. Which is not to say that Turkey Day was minus an eating contest this year. Thanks to the Food Bank of New York City and one major league eater fans of eating contests could get their fill watching Tim Janus devour a Thanksgiving meal … Continue reading →

The Man With The Bottomless Stomach Injures Jaw

A few months ago I blogged about meeting Takeru Kobayashi. The man is an eating machine and has rapidly become a pop culture icon for his ability to win just about every eating contest known to man. Last year he was in Wisconsin to participate in a bratwurst eating contest and he didn’t disappoint. The native of Japan flew to the Dairy State and devoured 58 bratwurst in 10 minutes. It was quite possibly the most stomach churning sight I have ever witnessed in my life (but exhilarating at the same time). That day Kobayashi set the world record for … Continue reading →