Search Results for: blog are you enabling your adul child

Young Adult Sues Parents for College Tuition

Caitlyn Ricci’s parents divorced in 1997 when she was four years old. It appears that she primarily lived with her mother but also was able to spend time with her father. In February of 2013, Caitlyn Ricci (who was now past the age of 18) left her mother’s home. Technically, she was an adult who was no longer living with her parents. Instead, she went to live with her grandparents (her father’s mom and dad). It is unclear exactly why Caitlyn Ricci decided to move. Her mother, Maura McGarvey, wrote about the situation on her blog. In short, Maura McGarvey … Continue reading →

Are You Enabling Your Adult Child?

What exactly does it mean to “enable your adult child?” What the act of enabling does is to actively prevent your child from achieving appropriate developmental milestones as they age. Thus continually refusing to make your child/teenager/young adult take responsibility for their omissions and commissions of duty effectively leaves them as underperforming adults. In simpler words, if you do not make your 8-year old carry his or her plate to the kitchen after a meal and dispose of it according to age-appropriate behaviors, you are allowing that child to remain emotionally at that age, in that area of responsibility, longer … Continue reading →

Are You Enabling Your Adult Child?

What exactly does it mean to “enable your adult child?” What the act of enabling does is to actively prevent your child from achieving appropriate developmental milestones as they age. Thus continually refusing to make your child/teenager/young adult take responsibility for their omissions and commissions of duty effectively leaves them as underperforming adults. In simpler words, if you do not make your 8-year old carry his or her plate to the kitchen after a meal and dispose of it according to age-appropriate behaviors, you are allowing that child to remain emotionally at that age, in that area of responsibility, longer … Continue reading →

Wait! Did You Say I Should NOT Let My Son Graduate?

It’s a backward concept, and it feels all wrong. But recently, when I sat down with my autistic son’s ninth grade teacher, she suggested that we not have him graduate from high school. What? That was my thought, and I’m still a bit perplexed by it all. But I learned that in my state and others, children who are receiving special education services become eligible for vocational programs if they are not able to graduate from high school. Special needs students who do graduate may lose their eligibility for these services and training. I suppose the government assumes that if … Continue reading →

Vaccinations in Adopted Children and Families

What should one consider about vaccinations for adopted children, and even for adoptive parents? The parents, you ask? Parents adopting children may be advised to get vaccines they may not already have been given. For example, although most children today are routinely given Hepatitis B vaccines, they were not routinely given when most of us were kids and many adults have not had them. People traveling to Asia to pick up their children are advised to get them. In fact, there is a higher rate of Hepatitis B in Asia and parents adopting from there may be advised to get … Continue reading →

Are you an Enabler?

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Do you have a friend who is hopeless at budgeting and you’re constantly lending her ten dollars here and twenty dollars there? Do you have a spouse with an alcohol problem and you phone his or her boss to call in sick instead of making them do it themselves? Do you constantly take on extra duties each time your older teen has an assignment due instead of allowing them to feel out of control themselves? If the answer is a resounding “Yes” then you could be an enabler. So what is an enabler? An enabler is a person who recognizes … Continue reading →

Pretty Baby

What parent out there doesn’t think her baby is the cutest thing gracing the face of the planet? What’s more, even if your infant is not-so pretty, you’re probably not going to hear it from friends or family members. Remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine try to keep the vomit in their mouths after catching sight of their friend Carol’s hideous-looking baby? No one tells a parent her child is ugly. Of course, the enabling has its limits. For example, if you think your baby is all that and decide to enter him or her into the cut-throat … Continue reading →

Are They Just Trying to Get Attention Again?!

A common response to a child’s troubling behavior is that he or she is “just trying to get attention!” I have found this to be an especially common assumption among those of the older generations. So, what IF a child is trying to get attention? Does that discredit his or her behavior? How much attention should we give our children before we are spoiling or enabling? Are there certain kinds of attention that are better than others? I learned many, many years ago from a wise mentor parent to pay attention to my triggers and responses to my children’s behaviors. … Continue reading →

Will They Ever Be Responsible Enough for My Taste?

I am hyper-responsible. I suppose if there was a recovery or 12-step group for oldest children/single parents who have developed into incredibly responsible adults, I would attend and hope that I could learn how to ease up a little. The truth is, I am the way I am—whether due to temperament or life circumstances–and it definitely influences the way I parent my three children. I cannot help but compare them to me and wonder if they will ever reach the same level of responsibility? Maybe they don’t HAVE to reach the same level but I entertain plenty of stress fussing … Continue reading →

Mission Possible: The Current State of Affairs

Let’s take back the weight loss! Current BMI: 31 Pounds to Go: 55 Yesterday I wrote about my deep concern over the state of weight loss in our culture. It seems like we get so desperate to lose the weight or look a certain way that we’re willing to do crazy things that, if we stopped to think about it, really don’t make sense. It does not make sense to give yourself excessive diarrhea in the name of health. That’s an oxymoron. It does not make sense to eat in such a way as to leave out major food groups … Continue reading →